The $h*it Troy, Danny and Robbie Say…
So a lot of people have been emailing me asking who is this New York “expert” you keep referring too. Typically the emails conclude with “He don’t know $h*T”! Well with permission from the “New York Expert”, I am now here to show the world who this mysterious guy is. In addition I will be keeping my loyal readers informed of the $h*t he says… My main man from New York is the infamous Troy from Brooklyn. Now for the $h*t Troy says…
*UPDATE* Good news, Troy has company! As I already stated I receive a lot of hate mail regarding the crap Troy says, well get ready to type faster and angrier than ever. My cousin Danny, Fantasy Team… French Toast Mafia and my Uncle Robbie, Fantasy Team LA Riot are just as crazy as Troy, Fantasy Team MixFeen! Between these three I spend most of my day laughing or cursing, so without any more waiting here is the $hit Troy, Danny and Robbie say…
This conversation is priceless, not only is it crazy, but it involves Troy and Robbie. This is extremely rare; you might say how rare? Well it would be like witnessing Bigfoot fishing for the loch ness monster while chewing a delectable stick of Juicy Fruit! Here it is…
· Robbie: “Hey Troy did you know that LL Cool J played for the Raiders?”
· Troy: “I don’t think so”
· Robbie: “Why would I make this up, look it up if you don’t believe me!”
· Troy: “I will look it up, but I am 99% sure that never happened.”
· My Dad: *Cameo Appearance* “You are both wrong LL Cool J, was in N.W.A, you know the Strait outta Compton guy!”
This next conversation took place between my cousin Danny and I over text. To put this into context you must first understand this is Danny’s first time playing Fantasy Football…
· Me: (text) Hey dude how do you feel about your fantasy team?
· Danny: (text) Dude I got three guys on my team that aint even on my team!
· Me: (text) ?
· Sadly Danny never responded, but I imagine it would have been something like… “It is what it is”
More to come, if you know Troy, Danny or Robbie feel free to email me some gems that the masses would love.
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• Mo: “Hey Troy who you got winning this weekend Philly or Washington?
Troy: “What? Na Philly plays the Redskins this weekend not Washington”!
• Me: “Hey Troy I am making an article about what beer people drink in NFL cities while tailgating, what do New Yorkers drink while tailgating at a Giant game”?
Troy: “Really we just stop the liquor mart and get a four-oh (40 oz of malt liquor) real quick then stop by the game”
• Troy “Man Stouffers Tuna Mac is the business”!
Me: “Troy so what did you think of the angry outburst I posted”?
Troy: “Man you should write one of them angry outburst bout Ray ray Carruth, that is a triflin’ mutha fu©a”!
Troy: “Facts, who gives a Fu© bout facts”!
Troy: That $h*t aint my Forte, speaking of Forte are you starting Matt Forte this weekend"?
Troy: “Man I gotta get out to the Kangol store in Ontario, they got an assortment of colors and sizes that will fit me”.
Me (at the bar): “Hey could I get a beer and some wings”?
Troy (at the bar): “Ugh yeah could I get a chardonnay and a Cranberry Walnut Salad”?
Bartender: “Ugh, you know we are at a bar right”?
More to come...
What Would Sheen Do (WWSD)
We have all heard all of the classic quotes from Charlie Sheen. So I wanted to focus on what Charlie MAY say. Here is what it would sound like in a bar while partying with Charlie Sheen…
ME: I own a football website.
Charlie: I own an island comprised mostly of Mountains made of coke, and fields of laid with hookers.
Random drunk guy: Chuck Norris once, blahblah…
Charlie: Chuck did what? I once snorted Chuck.
Charlie: Stop bogarting the coke!
Me: I loved you in Hot Shots!
Charlie: What is this Hot Shots you speak of?
Me: Ugh a movie you stared in.
Charlie: Oh yeah, I do not remember that I was in a coke induced coma from 89’ to 96’.
Me: Bartender could I please get a beer.
Charlie: Bartender could I please get a line of coke served on a hookers A$$.
Random guy: Did Charlie Sheen just put the waitress in the trunk of his beamer?
Me: I hope not, because he just drove off of a cliff.
Charlie: Meet the Goddesses.
Me: That is actually a pool stick and a dart.
Charlie: Has anyone seen my car keys?
Charlie: We could go back to my house, but please stay clear of ALL closets.
Random guy: Boy I am going to have a hangover tomorrow
Charlie: What is a hangover?
RG: When you wake up in the morning and have a headache from drinking too much.
Charlie: You sleep? You stop drinking? That is your problem.
Me: How is Emilio?
Charlie: Who?
Me: Your brother
Charlie: Hmm, kinda rings a bell. I will definitely need more information to jog my memory.
Charlie: Does anyone have a spare defibrillator?